Not sure where to start...

So much has happened since my last post, I don't know where to start...

I am tempted to rant about things I've been through but it seems more cathartic and more healing to just tell it like it happened. I need to reach a place where I can just deal with the things I must deal with and not let it get me down.

I have always been determined to do "the right thing." But I've certainly had my share of misconceptions about how to go about it, and I've made some truly massive mistakes along the way. Did I ever say otherwise? Whack me if I did...

Flew out for divorce trial. Lots of lies and vindictiveness. 2 days in jail (the other side asked for 4 months). Way more than I can afford in payments.

Through it all I thought about my teenagers and how could I finish the job of trying to teach them to take responsibility for their actions. Someone else is making every effort to teach them how to avoid taking responsibility by playing the victim role. More on that later.

I will not give up. I will not back down. I will not bow my head to systematic misrepresentation. Lies told often enough are accepted as the truth, Himmler said. Lies told cleverly enough make the person who objects seem to be the bad guy. I refuse to give up. The story must be told.

Life hangs precariously. Some things which were hanging over my head are out in the open and I just need to remind myself not to worry about them. Other problems loom large in front of me. Have faith and remember, we never get a test we can't pass but sometimes we have to let go of excess baggage. Mine has usually come in the form of wishful thinking.

Ideas are powerful, more powerful than money, more powerful than governments and courts and armies. I have ideas, and they are positive ones. The truth will prevail ultimately.

Hoping for a downward trend...

OK, still pitiful, 14:22...
I walked 2 miles during lunch Monday. I'm sure that burned some calories but then I undid it with a Starbucks Blackberry Green Tea Frappucino. Yeah. They put a lot of sugar in those things. But it was good...

I miss having discussions on biological psychology with Ramani. Have to get in touch with her and see what she's up to. Probably busy studying...

More on biological psychology to come...

Task switching - stack overflow

Since the 80386 processor (and before) computers have had built-in capabilities to handle multiple tasks. All of the registers and variables involved are put aside safely and quickly, and the computer switches to another task, picking up all its registers and variables quickly and immediately adjusting to the new task's memory and environment.

Humans don't do it that easily, or rather, the stack we have for handling transitions between multiple complex tasks is limited. Plus the overhead involved in switching tasks represents a drain which some people handle better than others.

The level of absorption required for tasks involving mathematical reasoning and deep thought seems to make task-switching much more difficult than more "natural" things like folding clothes while watching TV, or talking while cooking. I don't have any problem cooking five or six things at once and going from one thing to the next, in quantities for 500 or more people, but when I'm working on a software problem it can be very hard to handle the distraction of someone asking a simple question.

The analogy I like to give is one of juggling. If someone is juggling and has 20 balls up in the air and you ask them to stop for just one second to give you a hand, they can stop quickly. But resuming the juggling act takes time - you don't just throw all 20 balls back up at once. You start with one, then two, then three and so on. If it happens often enough or frequently enough you might be discouraged from starting again.

That's how it feels sometimes...

What is REALLY sad..

OK, depression is not sad, it's just a temporary state...
What's really sad is taking 15 minutes to run 1.3 hilly miles.
Now that is sad.. but something I can work on.
OK, I couldn't run up all the hills.
Very nice views up here. Plus I saw a bunny wabbit. More bunnies and kittens and puppies and you name it at http://cuteoverload.com

Overload again...

Depression...
It hits me like a load of black sand, wants to bury me. I feel suffocated and the voices of others are words coming out of mouths that cannot be heard.
I need to get over this. I can't handle being depressed right now. There's too much to do.
Does anybody care? Probably not. But it feels good to say it...

Death of a bunny

Janaki Salad died last night. I first noticed something was wrong Monday night when she didn't eat. She loved celery and the two stalks I had given her that morning were untouched. She would usually romp around my room but this time she just found a place to sit and didn't move.

I made an appointment for the vet but couldn't get one until this afternoon. She didn't last that long. She was wheezing last night. She hopped around the room once or twice after the lights were out, then lay down under my desk. When I got up at 2am, that's where I found her.

She was the only thing soft and cuddly I've had within reach for a long time and I'll miss her.

Killer bunnies from outer space

Opening scene: talk show discusses the ludicrosity (wait! that's not a real word! who cares???) of an invasion of killer bunnies.

Talk show is interrupted by a news bulletin.

Cut to the evil General McCaw giving orders to the invasion strike force leader Commander Cuddles (pictured at right).

Then it's all over but the screaming...

Coming soon to a download site near you...